Second Wish Upon A Star

Golden is the colour of the night bathed in lights

Of the dark tarmac shining under headlights

Golden is the dream I dream of you in the darkest of nights

Of your smooth words whispered in my ears before far "Goodnights"

Photo Courtesy: Kumar Jhuremalani

Golden is the last intoxicating, swirling sip on my fingertip

Golden the warmth that spreads to every end, every tip

Golden, the liquid luck that gives my heart fillip

Golden, even the white lies that spill from your lip

Golden is the carpet in which I curl my toes

Golden the courage that fills me as I reach up to you on tiptoes

Golden butterflies aflutter within me as you bend low

Golden the soulful strains of a song so slow

Golden the starlight from the star I wished upon

Golden the face of the curious moon trying to catch on

Golden the binds of the curtain that unfurl

Keeping our secret safe.

Wish upon a star

The intoxicating smell of cigarettes
Electric sounds of your fingers against the guitar
Looking into the glass in my hands
The swirling liquid like golden lights on a dark night
Words & giggles, laughter and silliness
This isn't me, not what I do
Good Sense, to thee I bid adieu
Take another sip to wash away any regrets

Star light, star bright, the first star I see tonight
Looking up at the sky wistfully
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Oh please, make my wish come true tonight
Light breeze, curtain aflutter
I gaze out the window, singing to myself
Sometimes wishes made upon a star
Do see the light of day

Dream or drunken mistake or worse, neither
Now, awake and aware, befriending Nonchalance
Unwinding, like a stuck cassette,
Dim and hazy, that night I cannot forget
Detailed and clear – the memory
I just don’t want to forget
But that's all it'll remain
It'll be a secret, between Silence and I

How I Overcame Being a Monophobic!

I shopped alone... I SHOPPED alone... I shopped ALONE...

Well, what is the big deal, you ask?? Well, maybe it’s no big deal for you... But for me it is... You see, I had this thing against being alone; I craved company... Even if it was just to go across the street to pick up groceries, I would take along my phone and speed-dial my best friend. It didn’t matter that the conversation ended even before it began... 

I hated being alone 

And I could never figure out people who ate out in restaurants alone or shopped alone or watched movies in theatres alone. “Something has to be wrong with them” is what I thought... But, the weirdness lay not in them but in me... And my first ever flashback post (I am greatly inspired by How I Met Your Mother!) will tell you how I became and overcame being a MONOPHOBIC! True Story...

Well kids, my father seldom lectures – he simply bundles up all of his opinions & lessons in a single saying that leaves you feeling ashamed & enlightened at the same time. For instance, when I was a kid, instead of nagging at me to study, he would merely stare down at me from his 6 ft 2 inch elevation and say, “those who want by the yard, but try by the inch should be kicked by the foot.” Of course, then I was too young to truly appreciate the pun and obviously it did not have the desired effect. At the time, I would usually just dissolve into giggling fits that disturbed my insufferably studious younger brother, thus inviting my mother’s nagging!

BUT, there was one such “truism” that my father once very wisely told me when I complained to him about being bored. He bent his long neck to stare down at me and maybe he smiled (but the moustache hid it!) and said, “One who is bored in one’s own company is boring in the company of others”.

Well, from that day forward, I did all in my power to avoid being bored... I did not dare utter the words, “I’m bored” EVER, let alone in the presence of my father, for fear of being perceived as uninteresting.

I tried to wipe out that phrase from my memory... If it ever crept into my mind, I would run to find my friends. Failing that, I would bug my brother and after being nagged against doing so, I would find my Books to read or diary to write in. And after my parents were safely out of earshot or asleep, I would sneak up to the telephone and talk! BUT in my bid to remain un-boring I had turned into someone who was afraid of being alone, afraid that I would be bored in my own company, afraid that I would turn into a boring old lady with cats who kids laughed at and grown-ups avoided... And, I couldn’t let that happen – after all I hate cats!

Well, what can I say? I’d become a MONOPHOBIC – basically, a person with an abnormal fear of being alone... Well, I wasn’t that far beyond help to become a case study in psychology, but one fateful day I realised that if I did not check this “craving for company” then I would probably need medication for this condition called “being pathetic”... This is what happened on the day, realisation hit me...

I was about to step out to begin my journey around the city. I had a pretty long list of errands to finish for my family... I was all dressed up and I was all alone. Well, being alone was not for a lack of trying... I did all I could... I called every friend and relative whose number I had in my contact list and at the end of half a day I was left with an expensive phone bill, no company and many handy excuses –
“I have work”;
“I have college”;
“I have other plans”;
“I can’t get out of the meeting – Boss’s orders”;
“I can’t get out of the house – Mom’s orders”;
“I can’t get out of the bed – Doctor’s orders”;

“I’m not in the mood”;
“I’m not in the city”;
“Sorry! Wrong Number...”


Oh well, I would just have to face this big bad world on my own then... I would just have to fight my demons and I checked to see if I had my weapons to aid in my battle against my fears... I peered into my large, overstuffed bag...My phone, fully charged; My Novel, newly purchased; my iPod, recently updated and also charged; 3 bars of chocolate; Notebook and pen – Check!

Well, I was armed and ready and out I stepped... And, no sooner had I done that, than I was attacked by a rather strong army of aloneness... So, out came my shield and sword, my iPod and phone, all set to bravely attack the soldiers of loneliness. I spoke on the phone, with no care for the ever increasing bill, with no fear of mother’s nagging when she saw it and with no heed to what my father might wisely utter while paying it! I spoke on my phone to each of those people who had given me those pathetic excuses. I spoke on the phone and listened to music while walking on the road and waiting in queues and getting squashed in trains... I spoke on the phone and listened to music till the battery of both laid down their lives and died! Then, I beat a hasty retreat into the fantasy world to escape the warriors of boredom who were slowly gaining on me... And I read not removing my eyes from the book until my whole body hurt from a series of bumps into people and trees, narrowly missing falling into a pothole, almost stepping onto a dog, and nearly walking into an auto rickshaw... That is when I finally put aside my book and that is when reality hit me...

With my defences spent, I realised what a sorry figure I cut. My clothes were crumpled from the bumping and pushing and travelling, my hair was a mess, my body aching from the day-long running around, my posture bent and tired... I was trying too hard to escape being alone... I was trying to escape ME, I thought to myself... People around me were travelling alone, eating alone, shopping alone and I even spied a well-dressed man TALKING alone... Well, being alone can’t be so bad can it, I considered... I mean, if others can, I should be able to do it too... And so I did...

I stopped trying hard to be un-alone... I looked around, taking in the sights and sounds of this city I call home, I smiled at passers-by and exchanged a few words with co-travellers, and I enjoyed the view as I travelled back home... And I realised being bored had nothing to do with being alone...

And since that day, I have discovered the many joys of being alone... Alone at home, I can do as I please – sleep as late as I like, eat chocolates for breakfast and cake for lunch, play music so loud that I can’t hear the doorbell, dance or hop or sing or shout – It is the bestest thing ever!

And my favourite kind of walk is the one I take with my books and iPod... No! No! It’s different this time... Here, I walk to my library with my books in an environmentally friendly jute bag and my iPod, playing soft music, for company... I take in the scenery as I walk – the trees, the quaint Church, the river. (And for those of you, who think it’s nothing but an oversized sewer, go for a walk alone and take along your imagination and leave behind for judgemental ways!)

And the ultimate achievement, of course, has been the fact that I SHOPPED ALONE...! Alone – with no one to ask for an opinion, with no extra pair of eyes looking out for goodies, with no disapproving looks or appreciative glances. I shopped alone and I loved every moment of it...

Freaks-of-nature-who-eat-and-shop-and-watch-movies-in-theatres­-alone... I am one of you now! Rejoice!

Carpe Diem - Seize the Day!

These are rules I hope I am strong enough to live by:

Take a chance
Try a whirlwind romance,
Learn a new recipe, language, dance...

Make a difficult choice,
Listen to your inner voice,
Let your hair loose, have fun, make some noise!

Do something new
Talk, listen, discuss, argue
Change your point of view

From the beaten path walk astray
Explore the little known, scenic way

Take a risk,
Life doesn’t always offer a quick fix...

Get a little crazy, do something unwise,
Drop that sensible guise,
Carpe Diem, Live Life King Size!!!

P.S.
Yeh world hai na world, is mein do tarah le log hote hai, ek woh jo saari zindagi mein ek hi kaam karte hai, aur doosre woh jo ek hi zindagi mein saare kaam kar dete hai...

Lines (from a movie, of course!) that made me realise that there is much more to life beyond the routine, words that inspired me to break free of the monotony, thoughts that made me aspire to LIVE my life... A dialogue that, at the time, inspired me to enthusiastically start off on yet another rhyme-spree...

Ironic as it maybe, this poem was left incomplete and almost forgotten, until I read the post of a fellow blogger and close friend. I suddenly recollected my unfinished verse as I commented on the well written, thoughtful post and I quote a favourite saying of mine -
“When you look back on your life, you will not regret the things that you did, but the things you did not do.”

And as I ended my comment with the words “Carpe Diem”, I knew I had to finish the poem... And so I did, so I might have no regrets... :-)

The Order in the Chaos

Dan Brown’s audacious book, The Da Vinci Code, is a fast paced thriller that has captivated audiences, capturing their imagination and catapulting them into an adventurous medley of history and mystery. But of all the speculation the book brought to the fore and of all the far-fetched long-forgotten theories it brought back into the limelight, there was one line that seemed to hold an infinite truth - “For all the chaos in the world, there is an undying order.” And who better to vouch for this fact than a person who has spent a few years travelling by Mumbai’s most trusted and over burdened mode of transport – the trains.

Chaos – utter disorder – is not hard to imagine when you are travelling in a local train especially during “peak” hours when millions of office goers are packed in compartments like sardines in a tin. And will it be too hard to imagine the chaos that might prevail in the Ladies compartment?

Station after station women, weary with the world, hop on before the train can halt completely. Their only hope is to find an empty space sufficient to at least rest both feet firmly on the floor. Frazzled women eager to get to work or home to their families and chores make a beeline for the exit in a bid to scramble off before the train resumes its somnolent journey.

Once inside the chaotic medley is unmatched. Women will be standing in every nook and cranny available and in positions that even expert acrobats would find it hard to imitate. It is nearly impossible to move without upsetting another’s balance and without dropping something. And what makes this disarray even more interesting are the number of activities that are accomplished despite the crowd and such activity only adds to the chaos – appointments will be fixed; children will be placated; maids and husbands will receive their instructions; weekends will be planned; many will doze on their neighbour’s shoulder; hawkers will somehow find their way in the melee and there will always be those who will haggle with them; office work and even household chores (like cutting vegetables and knitting!) will be attended to; prayers will be muttered; food will be eaten; many will read or listen to music or solve crossword puzzles; gossip will fly; fights will erupt; and the din will be overbearing.

Amidst the jostling and the jeering, the yanking and the yelling, there is an inherent order that can only be spotted by a few - either the astute observer (who is involved in none of the aforementioned activities) or the seasoned traveller or the truly bored yet imaginative (yours truly)! As a service to the general, unsuspecting public let me introduce you to some of these very elaborate, seemingly chaotic but exceeding orderly procedures…

The doorways will always seem to be cramped with women in the most haphazard manner. Yet there is an age-old and unbreakable code of alighting and boarding the train. Only half the exit will be used for such purposes at a given station while the other half will be occupied by women queuing to exit at the next station. This alternate pulsing in the flow of traffic in the compartment continues till either the crowd has thinned considerably or the train reaches its destination. Usually it is the latter that is first to come about.

And that is not all. There are elaborate rituals when it comes to queuing to exit at a particular station. When the compartments are jam-packed leaving barely enough space to squeeze through, women have a typical manner in which they make their way to the exit. This usually involves systematically tapping the shoulders of those already stranded in the corridors ahead of oneself and enquiring if they too have lined up to exit at the said destination. If they are, then one carefully positions oneself behind them and makes a general enquiry if all those ahead of them will also be alighting at the same said destination. This, of course, is a thoughtful query to avoid even further confusion when the said destination does arrive. This should not be misunderstood as an implication of the enquirer’s superior judgement.

If, however, the poor trapped soul has to alight at a destination after your own, then the efforts begin to painfully move ahead while the said person struggles to move out of harm’s way in a less obstructive place (if there might be such a place). One follows this process of tapping-enquiring-struggling-to-push-past process till one encounters another who has to alight at the same said destination as oneself.

While on the issue of alighting let me enlighten you as to what the official rules state. “Allow passengers to alight first” is the norm laid down and expected to be followed. But it is a known fact that the dynamics change dramatically when, during peak hours, the train is pulling into its final junction and is set to take off again to another destination after a brief halt. Everyone knows the unspoken law of the land, where passengers waiting to alight have to remain relegated to a corner out of harm’s way while others board, nay bound and leap, into the train while rushing to grab prime seats.

There is also a different set of etiquette for “reserving” or, as is known in local parlance, “claiming” seats. As the train gets crowded and seats meant for 3 are occupied by 4 passengers (a matter of seconds during peak hours after the bounding and leaping). The ladies left standing (read: Ancient art of balancing) begin the systematic ritual of “claiming” seats. This system is so inherent and prevalent that often verbal cues are redundant. The code of conduct while claiming seats is simple. One always begins from the prime seats (near the window on the “breezy” side) and makes one’s way methodically towards the lesser-favoured ones. Attention is sought by taps and jabs and sometimes, though extremely rarely, a polite “excuse me”. Next one simply points at the recipient of the tap or jab and the person replies (often grunts) their destination.

The often unspoken deal is struck if 2 conditions in the prescribed order are satisfied – 1) The person seated will alight at a destination before oneself and 2) one will receive sufficient time to catch up on some sleep after being seated & before one has to alight. The deal is sealed, again, by non-verbal cues. Usually the cue involves pointing to one’s self and then to the owner of the seat implying that one will occupy the seat once the person seated vacates it. Very rarely is a smile exchanged between the jabber and the jabbee, though it is known to happen.

Friend circles are formed among those with similar interests or backgrounds – harrowed working women, college girls, or members of the same society or workplace. These groups often indulge in one or more of the aforementioned activities. But in addition to that, these groups are also known to celebrate birthdays or anniversaries (with food and drinks et al), sing songs and hymns, play activist roles whose agendas may be as varied as allotment of seats or the functioning of fans or the more profound moral policing.
There are other patterns and peculiarities that emerge in this daily affair of travelling by trains. Women, protective of their accessories, will stow away their jewellery and stoles and scarves safely in their bags. No sooner do they get seats (usually after leaping and bounding or following the rules of “claiming”) than the meticulous process of dressing up begins!

There are also enough displays of compassion to restore your faith in humanity. The way women who are standing inside the compartment assist the ladies stranded in the passageway by taking their bags and stowing them on the overhead racks is touching. And when a kind lady offers her precious seat to another tired one it just stirs your heart.
The pattern in the peculiarities and the method in the madness is evident when one looks closely –, the unique rules of boarding or alighting, the elaborate system of “claiming” seats, the myriad of pursuits accomplished, in the deft tactics employed in making one’s journey a mite more comfortable... Indeed, the order in the chaos exists in the entire gamut of minute manoeuvres that ensue when travelling by our beloved trains!

Discovering the Adventure in Every Moment...

I always did hold it against the Powers That Be for depriving me of An Adventure of a Lifetime……

The day will go down in History as one of the most disastrous ones as Mumbai drowned in the furious deluge of Biblical proportions. Thousands of Mumbaiittes waded through chest deep water, walked for miles and spent the night on any nook and cranny of the city that wasn’t being choked with muddy water. I, on the other hand, got the last train out (before all services came to a standstill as water seeped onto the tracks). I waded through only calf-deep water and got back home while the phone lines were still functioning and electricity still powered the TV set to announce “Breaking News” of the mayhem that was just beginning to unfold. On the bright side, I did get soaked to the bone because I had unwittingly chosen this day to leave my umbrella peacefully resting on the window sill back home. But even this little silver lining around the large big black clouds (some of which were bursting with rain and submerging the city) waned when I realised that I missed my “adventure” by a mere seconds - one second too late and I would have been stranded like all the million others who did get their adventure (though none of them shared my enthusiasm, I suspect!).

However, a wise old man managed to swing my perceptions. “Adventure”, the great one quote with a great insight, “is not outside a man, but within him”. And in a flash I realised that in my pursuit of that ONE life-altering adventure I was ignoring the many little things around me that were just as exciting. In hoping for a night where I would skirt danger, win millions of rupees and find the love of my life (sounds quite like a movie, I admit), I was overlooking the inherent adventure in living each day.

Adventure is indeed within each of us. While for some adventure may mean sky-diving or bungee jumping, for others jumping in and out of still-moving, over-crowded local trains of Mumbai is an equally exhilarating experience. While for some white water rafting or jet skiing provides the rushes, for many others riding in auto-rickshaws over Mumbai’s many potholes, weaving in and out of heavy traffic and the occasional sudden swerve is enough to set the adrenaline pumping. While for some rock-climbing and hiking doesn’t seem like an uphill task, many others would sweat simply at the prospect of attempting to cross the roads at one of Mumbai’s many chaotic junctions.

Adventure could mean many things for many people – adventure sports, a whirlwind romance, a leisurely walk in the dead of the night, a back-packing trip across Europe, watching the kids play, wedding preparations, a trip, the miracle of birth, waking up each morning…! Indeed, life itself is a rollercoaster (Ronan Keating!) and Adventure, the pursuit of life (Daniel Roy Wiarda)!

And so I reassess my definition of adventure – scrutinising every moment of my life that I have felt a thrill or when the butterflies in my stomach stirred to life or when the adrenaline pumped so hard that I could hear nothing else over the buzz in my ear. Where I once believed an anonymous Smart Alec when he/she said “If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space”; I now adhere by Laurence Sterne’s philosophy that “A large volume of adventures may be grasped within this little span of life, by him who interests his heart in everything.”

So just to recapture some moments that I now consider “adventures” now…

• First Days – in a new class, at college, at work
• Flying – the butterflies in my stomach during take-off, flying over the hills and the seas and then sailing above clouds, to the beat my heart skips when the plane jerks a bit during the landing…
• Visiting a new place – a new city, suburb, or even just a restaurant
• The slumber parties where we would share secrets, have heart to heart chats, cry, giggle and scare each other with outlandish stories;
• Sitting at our “Haunt” with my gang of friends reliving “those days”…
• The numerous games of “Truth and Dare”!
• Walking in the rain in the wet fields and rescuing a stray dog – we later called “stormy”
• Being stranded thanks to the rains and the not-so-reliable public transport…
• The many exciting Girls Night Out
• Dancing like no one’s watching – all night in Goa or at parties, or even all alone at home…
• Jet Skiing and para-sailing at glistening beaches or Skiing in pristine snow…
• Roller Coaster rides – feeling your insides turn and screaming because that’s the only thing you are capable of doing then!
• Learning to ride the bicycle after numerous collisions into walls and tress and a thousand scrapes to the knee.
• Sitting behind the wheel of a car for the first time…
• The first ever scratch to the car!
• The numerous near-misses – getting hit by swings, sofas and stones and of course the boiling hot water that left me a rather fascinating mark on my left arm (serves as a constant reminder of which is left and which is right!);
• Crawling into dark corners and under thorny shrubs (where no one else dared for fear of snakes and other creepy crawlies) to retrieve the little rubber ball we played with.
• The stress of Exams, then relieving the stress by watching the corniest movies afterwards and the imminent results later…
• Sharing a smile, a compliment or even a conversation with a complete stranger!
• All the movies I’ve watched with friends – sitting in dark theatres or on comfortable sofas at home, with a bowl of popcorn and laughing at the silliest of comments!!
• The numerous efforts to cook a meal
• Watching a nail biting cricket match – hopefully one day it’ll be in a stadium…
• The silly feeling every time I discover a new Crush!

So, slow down.. stop to smell the roses and catch the beats of music and take every exciting moment of this adventure called LIFE!