I shopped alone... I SHOPPED alone... I shopped ALONE...
Well, what is the big deal, you ask?? Well, maybe it’s no big deal for you... But for me it is... You see, I had this thing against being alone; I craved company... Even if it was just to go across the street to pick up groceries, I would take along my phone and speed-dial my best friend. It didn’t matter that the conversation ended even before it began...
I hated being alone
And I could never figure out people who ate out in restaurants alone or shopped alone or watched movies in theatres alone. “Something has to be wrong with them” is what I thought... But, the weirdness lay not in them but in me... And my first ever flashback post (I am greatly inspired by How I Met Your Mother!) will tell you how I became and overcame being a MONOPHOBIC! True Story...
Well kids, my father seldom lectures – he simply bundles up all of his opinions & lessons in a single saying that leaves you feeling ashamed & enlightened at the same time. For instance, when I was a kid, instead of nagging at me to study, he would merely stare down at me from his 6 ft 2 inch elevation and say, “those who want by the yard, but try by the inch should be kicked by the foot.” Of course, then I was too young to truly appreciate the pun and obviously it did not have the desired effect. At the time, I would usually just dissolve into giggling fits that disturbed my insufferably studious younger brother, thus inviting my mother’s nagging!
BUT, there was one such “truism” that my father once very wisely told me when I complained to him about being bored. He bent his long neck to stare down at me and maybe he smiled (but the moustache hid it!) and said, “One who is bored in one’s own company is boring in the company of others”.
Well, from that day forward, I did all in my power to avoid being bored... I did not dare utter the words, “I’m bored” EVER, let alone in the presence of my father, for fear of being perceived as uninteresting.
I tried to wipe out that phrase from my memory... If it ever crept into my mind, I would run to find my friends. Failing that, I would bug my brother and after being nagged against doing so, I would find my Books to read or diary to write in. And after my parents were safely out of earshot or asleep, I would sneak up to the telephone and talk! BUT in my bid to remain un-boring I had turned into someone who was afraid of being alone, afraid that I would be bored in my own company, afraid that I would turn into a boring old lady with cats who kids laughed at and grown-ups avoided... And, I couldn’t let that happen – after all I hate cats!
Well, what can I say? I’d become a MONOPHOBIC – basically, a person with an abnormal fear of being alone... Well, I wasn’t that far beyond help to become a case study in psychology, but one fateful day I realised that if I did not check this “craving for company” then I would probably need medication for this condition called “being pathetic”... This is what happened on the day, realisation hit me...
I was about to step out to begin my journey around the city. I had a pretty long list of errands to finish for my family... I was all dressed up and I was all alone. Well, being alone was not for a lack of trying... I did all I could... I called every friend and relative whose number I had in my contact list and at the end of half a day I was left with an expensive phone bill, no company and many handy excuses –
“I have work”;
“I have college”;
“I have other plans”;
“I can’t get out of the meeting – Boss’s orders”;
“I can’t get out of the house – Mom’s orders”;
“I can’t get out of the bed – Doctor’s orders”;
“I’m not in the mood”;
“I’m not in the city”;
“Sorry! Wrong Number...”
Oh well, I would just have to face this big bad world on my own then... I would just have to fight my demons and I checked to see if I had my weapons to aid in my battle against my fears... I peered into my large, overstuffed bag...My phone, fully charged; My Novel, newly purchased; my iPod, recently updated and also charged; 3 bars of chocolate; Notebook and pen – Check!
Well, I was armed and ready and out I stepped... And, no sooner had I done that, than I was attacked by a rather strong army of aloneness... So, out came my shield and sword, my iPod and phone, all set to bravely attack the soldiers of loneliness. I spoke on the phone, with no care for the ever increasing bill, with no fear of mother’s nagging when she saw it and with no heed to what my father might wisely utter while paying it! I spoke on my phone to each of those people who had given me those pathetic excuses. I spoke on the phone and listened to music while walking on the road and waiting in queues and getting squashed in trains... I spoke on the phone and listened to music till the battery of both laid down their lives and died! Then, I beat a hasty retreat into the fantasy world to escape the warriors of boredom who were slowly gaining on me... And I read not removing my eyes from the book until my whole body hurt from a series of bumps into people and trees, narrowly missing falling into a pothole, almost stepping onto a dog, and nearly walking into an auto rickshaw... That is when I finally put aside my book and that is when reality hit me...
With my defences spent, I realised what a sorry figure I cut. My clothes were crumpled from the bumping and pushing and travelling, my hair was a mess, my body aching from the day-long running around, my posture bent and tired... I was trying too hard to escape being alone... I was trying to escape ME, I thought to myself... People around me were travelling alone, eating alone, shopping alone and I even spied a well-dressed man TALKING alone... Well, being alone can’t be so bad can it, I considered... I mean, if others can, I should be able to do it too... And so I did...
I stopped trying hard to be un-alone... I looked around, taking in the sights and sounds of this city I call home, I smiled at passers-by and exchanged a few words with co-travellers, and I enjoyed the view as I travelled back home... And I realised being bored had nothing to do with being alone...
And since that day, I have discovered the many joys of being alone... Alone at home, I can do as I please – sleep as late as I like, eat chocolates for breakfast and cake for lunch, play music so loud that I can’t hear the doorbell, dance or hop or sing or shout – It is the bestest thing ever!
And my favourite kind of walk is the one I take with my books and iPod... No! No! It’s different this time... Here, I walk to my library with my books in an environmentally friendly jute bag and my iPod, playing soft music, for company... I take in the scenery as I walk – the trees, the quaint Church, the river. (And for those of you, who think it’s nothing but an oversized sewer, go for a walk alone and take along your imagination and leave behind for judgemental ways!)
And the ultimate achievement, of course, has been the fact that I SHOPPED ALONE...! Alone – with no one to ask for an opinion, with no extra pair of eyes looking out for goodies, with no disapproving looks or appreciative glances. I shopped alone and I loved every moment of it...
Freaks-of-nature-who-eat-and-shop-and-watch-movies-in-theatres-alone... I am one of you now! Rejoice!
Well, what is the big deal, you ask?? Well, maybe it’s no big deal for you... But for me it is... You see, I had this thing against being alone; I craved company... Even if it was just to go across the street to pick up groceries, I would take along my phone and speed-dial my best friend. It didn’t matter that the conversation ended even before it began...
I hated being alone
And I could never figure out people who ate out in restaurants alone or shopped alone or watched movies in theatres alone. “Something has to be wrong with them” is what I thought... But, the weirdness lay not in them but in me... And my first ever flashback post (I am greatly inspired by How I Met Your Mother!) will tell you how I became and overcame being a MONOPHOBIC! True Story...
Well kids, my father seldom lectures – he simply bundles up all of his opinions & lessons in a single saying that leaves you feeling ashamed & enlightened at the same time. For instance, when I was a kid, instead of nagging at me to study, he would merely stare down at me from his 6 ft 2 inch elevation and say, “those who want by the yard, but try by the inch should be kicked by the foot.” Of course, then I was too young to truly appreciate the pun and obviously it did not have the desired effect. At the time, I would usually just dissolve into giggling fits that disturbed my insufferably studious younger brother, thus inviting my mother’s nagging!
BUT, there was one such “truism” that my father once very wisely told me when I complained to him about being bored. He bent his long neck to stare down at me and maybe he smiled (but the moustache hid it!) and said, “One who is bored in one’s own company is boring in the company of others”.
Well, from that day forward, I did all in my power to avoid being bored... I did not dare utter the words, “I’m bored” EVER, let alone in the presence of my father, for fear of being perceived as uninteresting.
I tried to wipe out that phrase from my memory... If it ever crept into my mind, I would run to find my friends. Failing that, I would bug my brother and after being nagged against doing so, I would find my Books to read or diary to write in. And after my parents were safely out of earshot or asleep, I would sneak up to the telephone and talk! BUT in my bid to remain un-boring I had turned into someone who was afraid of being alone, afraid that I would be bored in my own company, afraid that I would turn into a boring old lady with cats who kids laughed at and grown-ups avoided... And, I couldn’t let that happen – after all I hate cats!
Well, what can I say? I’d become a MONOPHOBIC – basically, a person with an abnormal fear of being alone... Well, I wasn’t that far beyond help to become a case study in psychology, but one fateful day I realised that if I did not check this “craving for company” then I would probably need medication for this condition called “being pathetic”... This is what happened on the day, realisation hit me...
I was about to step out to begin my journey around the city. I had a pretty long list of errands to finish for my family... I was all dressed up and I was all alone. Well, being alone was not for a lack of trying... I did all I could... I called every friend and relative whose number I had in my contact list and at the end of half a day I was left with an expensive phone bill, no company and many handy excuses –
“I have work”;
“I have college”;
“I have other plans”;
“I can’t get out of the meeting – Boss’s orders”;
“I can’t get out of the house – Mom’s orders”;
“I can’t get out of the bed – Doctor’s orders”;
“I’m not in the city”;
“Sorry! Wrong Number...”
Oh well, I would just have to face this big bad world on my own then... I would just have to fight my demons and I checked to see if I had my weapons to aid in my battle against my fears... I peered into my large, overstuffed bag...My phone, fully charged; My Novel, newly purchased; my iPod, recently updated and also charged; 3 bars of chocolate; Notebook and pen – Check!
Well, I was armed and ready and out I stepped... And, no sooner had I done that, than I was attacked by a rather strong army of aloneness... So, out came my shield and sword, my iPod and phone, all set to bravely attack the soldiers of loneliness. I spoke on the phone, with no care for the ever increasing bill, with no fear of mother’s nagging when she saw it and with no heed to what my father might wisely utter while paying it! I spoke on my phone to each of those people who had given me those pathetic excuses. I spoke on the phone and listened to music while walking on the road and waiting in queues and getting squashed in trains... I spoke on the phone and listened to music till the battery of both laid down their lives and died! Then, I beat a hasty retreat into the fantasy world to escape the warriors of boredom who were slowly gaining on me... And I read not removing my eyes from the book until my whole body hurt from a series of bumps into people and trees, narrowly missing falling into a pothole, almost stepping onto a dog, and nearly walking into an auto rickshaw... That is when I finally put aside my book and that is when reality hit me...
With my defences spent, I realised what a sorry figure I cut. My clothes were crumpled from the bumping and pushing and travelling, my hair was a mess, my body aching from the day-long running around, my posture bent and tired... I was trying too hard to escape being alone... I was trying to escape ME, I thought to myself... People around me were travelling alone, eating alone, shopping alone and I even spied a well-dressed man TALKING alone... Well, being alone can’t be so bad can it, I considered... I mean, if others can, I should be able to do it too... And so I did...
I stopped trying hard to be un-alone... I looked around, taking in the sights and sounds of this city I call home, I smiled at passers-by and exchanged a few words with co-travellers, and I enjoyed the view as I travelled back home... And I realised being bored had nothing to do with being alone...
And since that day, I have discovered the many joys of being alone... Alone at home, I can do as I please – sleep as late as I like, eat chocolates for breakfast and cake for lunch, play music so loud that I can’t hear the doorbell, dance or hop or sing or shout – It is the bestest thing ever!
And my favourite kind of walk is the one I take with my books and iPod... No! No! It’s different this time... Here, I walk to my library with my books in an environmentally friendly jute bag and my iPod, playing soft music, for company... I take in the scenery as I walk – the trees, the quaint Church, the river. (And for those of you, who think it’s nothing but an oversized sewer, go for a walk alone and take along your imagination and leave behind for judgemental ways!)
And the ultimate achievement, of course, has been the fact that I SHOPPED ALONE...! Alone – with no one to ask for an opinion, with no extra pair of eyes looking out for goodies, with no disapproving looks or appreciative glances. I shopped alone and I loved every moment of it...
Freaks-of-nature-who-eat-and-shop-and-watch-movies-in-theatres-alone... I am one of you now! Rejoice!
