The Ultimate Time Traveler's Machine

You close your eyes

& let the music wash over you

Like waves

As warm as

The sun's rays on a dark, chilly morn

The desert sand by dusk

Or a lover's arms at the break of dawn

As gentle as

A light breeze in summer

The touch of a flower in spring

Or the raindrops' light pitter-patter

As soothing as

A child's caress

Your mother's knowing gaze

Or a partner's kiss

You could be at any place

Alone or lost in a crowd

With complete strangers

Allowing yourself to be carried

To that one moment true only to you

With music you too can be a time traveler.

Unspoken Escape

I can't use clichés. Not when I'm spilling unspoken thoughts and feelings. 

So, no, I won't tell you that you complete me. You don't. My life's fuller and more complicated than that. You're not the only missing piece. You may not even be a piece in my jigsaw. 

I won't even tell you that I love the person I am when I'm with you. Because, sometimes, even you may hate the person I become when I’m with you. You can bring out the worst in me just as easily as you bring out the best. 

I won't tell you that you get me and understand me the best. There are other people who have known me longer and know me better. You know only one side of me and my other facets could leave you flummoxed. But discovery and surprise is what will make our journey fun, right? 

I won't use songs to describe how I feel. I won't say you make me feel like a teenage dream, though, you really do. Or, that I love you like a love song, though, I probably do! I won't say those words because those words aren't mine and they weren't written for you. 

I'd tell you instead that you have taken up permanent residence in my head! Signs start appearing in the mundane - I spot your name everywhere. And, I tell myself that it's a nudge from the universe, trying to subtly tell me that I was meant to find you & end up with you around no matter which road I take. Everything reminds me of you - innocuous signboards, songs you may like, food that I know you hate, dialogues on sitcoms that you'd appreciate, everyday stuff I could recount to you, earning a few laughs. 

Ah, the sound of your laughter - it fills me with so much satisfaction knowing that I have the power to produce those hearty, genuine, real reactions from you!

And, the music! Oh, the music! I can't listen to a song now without thinking about you. It's either a song you've introduced to me or one that you told me you hate, the one from that band whose history you recited to me when you were drunk or that one whose lyrics I passionately deciphered for you, something you sang to me once or those in which I see my myriad feelings for you reflected or something we listened together, unspeaking, unthinking, lost but together.

You're not my "best friend", not even close! I can't talk to you about everything. Not yet, anyway. But, in my unbiased, unclouded judgment, I think you could be that person. I love talking to you - our conversations are an exciting rollercoaster. You can drive me up the wall & then have me rolling on the floor with laughter within seconds.

I love how I don't want to be a better person around you; a different person. How I don't have to try. Because I know you take me with all the good, the bad & the ugly. You take the weird, the idiosyncratic, the absurd & the bat-shit crazy stuff and come back with some of your own crap in equal measure! And, we each put up with the other. And, when we can't take it anymore, I know I can count on us having one of our can’t-remember-why-we're-arguing-at-all fights.

I know I'd like to give you a chance. Give US a chance. Really, I would. 

I'm not scared of you; of getting close to you; of gradually opening my heart and head to the risk of you breaking me, hurting me.

So, you see, I have the words; all the exact words. So, when everyone around me advices me to "just tell him" how I feel - it isn't because I don’t know how. I know the words. I just don't know if you're worth my words. If despite all this, I'll get more than stunned silence in return from you. 

I'm tired of the signs I’m getting from the universe. Why don't YOU give me a sign? Why won't you just go on and turn that faucet that will allow my words to flow, to escape. Go on, take the first step.

Second Wish Upon A Star

Golden is the colour of the night bathed in lights

Of the dark tarmac shining under headlights

Golden is the dream I dream of you in the darkest of nights

Of your smooth words whispered in my ears before far "Goodnights"

Photo Courtesy: Kumar Jhuremalani

Golden is the last intoxicating, swirling sip on my fingertip

Golden the warmth that spreads to every end, every tip

Golden, the liquid luck that gives my heart fillip

Golden, even the white lies that spill from your lip

Golden is the carpet in which I curl my toes

Golden the courage that fills me as I reach up to you on tiptoes

Golden butterflies aflutter within me as you bend low

Golden the soulful strains of a song so slow

Golden the starlight from the star I wished upon

Golden the face of the curious moon trying to catch on

Golden the binds of the curtain that unfurl

Keeping our secret safe.

Wish upon a star

The intoxicating smell of cigarettes
Electric sounds of your fingers against the guitar
Looking into the glass in my hands
The swirling liquid like golden lights on a dark night
Words & giggles, laughter and silliness
This isn't me, not what I do
Good Sense, to thee I bid adieu
Take another sip to wash away any regrets

Star light, star bright, the first star I see tonight
Looking up at the sky wistfully
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Oh please, make my wish come true tonight
Light breeze, curtain aflutter
I gaze out the window, singing to myself
Sometimes wishes made upon a star
Do see the light of day

Dream or drunken mistake or worse, neither
Now, awake and aware, befriending Nonchalance
Unwinding, like a stuck cassette,
Dim and hazy, that night I cannot forget
Detailed and clear – the memory
I just don’t want to forget
But that's all it'll remain
It'll be a secret, between Silence and I

Fool for you!

Oh! What woe we cause ourselves
Over finding love that is forever and true
We fret and fawn, meddle and moan,
Turn into varied shades of red,green and blue!

For every time we meet a boy
Who is gentle as the moon
And bright as the sun
Our heart goes into a swoon
And our mind screams "He's THE ONE"

Every good deed is magnified
And flaws (if any) are vilified
Hellbent on discovering our soulmate in disguise
We turn to our superpower to over-analyse

"He maybe jobless
and without a wage
But he's trying so hard
to turn a new page
He's so smart
and his thoughts so sage
But he looks so boyish
like he's just out of college
What, oh, what must be his age?"

"There's this guy on my mind
as I write a sappy ditty
Gasp! He hates Titanic,
only the-greatest-love-story-EVER! The tragedy! The pity!
But he makes me laugh more than F.R.I.E.N.D.S,
Sigh.. he's so charming and he's sooo witty
I think I may have a crush on him
(But just itty-bitty)
So what if he's from another city?!"

"He's just so perfect, he's just sooo right.
We're so good together we just can't fight
He's so talented, he can even cook
Whipped up a gourmet meal and fed it to me by candlelight
Then he strummed his guitar, sang me a song he'd written
Sigh! what a wonderfully romantic night...
But this was 8 hours ago,
should I call him or wait? Oh what a terrible plight!"

"So he's the love of my life but it's complicated
And he's unlike any other guy
He notices things & remembers stuff
He's kind, thoughtful, sensitive & shy
He brushed my shoulder, touched my hand
And hugged me for THIRTY seconds as he said goodbye
Well, he's kinda committed but that can't last
He likes me too - said it himself & he can't lie
Oh Good Lord, why won't you cause his girlfriend to die?"

Wily and wise
In love we become otherwise
Usually composed and cool
How do we turn into such romantic fools?

Liberation

She lay there, slightly a-flutter
Reluctant to take the leap and fly
He held her in his boyish hands
And with virgin thrill threw her to the sky

She quivered and she shivered
As the indifferent wind chilled her spine
She sagged back and rested limp where
On the walled terrace, she knew she'd be fine

Worried yet eager, he ran toward her
As if knowing she wanted to be reassured
And he whispered to her confident words
As if knowing he could be heard

Gingerly he released her heaven-ward
And once again firmly tugging, guided her flight
Cajoled, she let the breeze carry her
Cruising, coloured & tasselled, she was a pretty sight

She was gliding, slowly climbing higher
With scaling height, her confidence grew
Overlooking the world, meeting clouds
Buoyant, higher & higher she flew

He caught her eye, as he floated in languor
Majestic as he challenged the skies
And the wind changed course
A karmic conspiracy in disguise

Soon they were eye to eye
They flew side by side
Entangled, they were a riot of colour
She was oblivious to all, except that ride

And then, she was freefalling
Uncertain if this was real or imagined bliss
The same wind, that was once her ally
Now pushing her down to an uncertain abyss

As her paper body was ripped by thorns
She came to realise that she had
Fallen in love
But fallen from grace

He had callously let her plummet
He had brutally cut her strings
But in her fall she was more free
Than she had been in her rise to fame...

Invaluable

Like the pair of stilettos,
that once adorned her resilient feet,
lending them grace and softness...
As she stood in them,
tall and straight,
the world looked up to her
and she stared back at life,
a smile on her lips and challenge in her eyes...

They had walked with her through the mundane,
and when she danced her happy-dance,
they tapped in rhythmic joy,
and when she sat on the cold floor,
with her knees pulled close to her chest,
they caught her salty tears...

Now they lay in a forgotten corner
fighting age as it tried to steal their glory...

Like the ornate wrist watch
that once hung loosely along her wrist,
kissing palms that were garralous with destiny.
Always her steadfast companion,
not begrudging her for all the good times it was ignored,
for it hated being a villain like the clock
that struck 12 in cinderella's story.
So it would try to stop its steady advance,
Failing always, merely a puppet strung by fate...

It was always the first thing she turned to,
when she awoke blue and dazed,
in the midst of a blue night...
Now sitting atop a dusty cabinet
Rusty and unmoving...

Hands almost meeting but not quite,
it was always almost-12...

Looking at these old objects
She smiled in memory at their little conspiracy,
that night 13 years ago,
when atop a terrace with lights that outshone the million stars
she had twirled and spun and swayed to an endless tune
till her faithful pair of high-heels gave way,
sending her falling into his arms
and as he broke her fall and cradled her shaking body
her watch in a heroic act, froze in motion,
forever preserving that pure moment...

Old now, worthless they lay
But as long as they brought that playful smile to her weathered face
They would forever remain invaluable!

Defenseless

Throbbing temples,
Untamed thoughts racing inside my mind,
Trying to break the fences,
Like wild horses kicking up a storm...
An unruly force that won't let my eyes close
Tearless and thoughtful, unblinking eyes
I lie awake...
And wonder...

Wonder about the vague promises you sketched
That my fertile mind converted to colourful masterpieces
Tripping over your artful words
My heart travelled to exotic dreams
Lost now, it weeps
As my brain returns to the black and white sensibility
There's no bright hues to distract
And no gray to tolerate..

The defences that you disintegrated,
With promises that weren't etched in stone
And dreams that weren't bound by a silver ring,
Are up again...
My mind screams,
"You're a million-dollar scam on the front page of a tabloid"
"Bad news," my heart agrees...
"But so hard to ignore," it quietly adds
Smiling now,
Knowing full well it will weep again at another's words

Contradiction

Note: the following post is purely fictional. Any resemblance to any characters or situations in my life is purely coincidental and highly imaginative!

You keep your distance and drive me completely crazy

Yet even the uncertain knowledge of your return makes me calm

I’m independent, but nothing more than a puppet in your palm

The slightest smile makes my words fumble and fall

Yet the smallest twitch of your lips can inspire rhymes

I’m sensible, but with you I’ve lost my mind countless times

Even the mere fleeting feel of your fingers makes my bones melt

But that same tiny touch can warm my heart and comfort my mind

I’m strong, but with you around to all reason I turn blind

You can make me angry, screaming mad

And, you can make me depressed, achingly sad

You are nothing like “THE ONE” from my dreams

But you’re all I need, it seems

Coz only you can say the right words, worries put to ease

And only you can make me laugh, in carefree release

Are you the answer to my prayers?

Or has reality turned to nightmares?

How can you feel so right, when I know you’re wrong?

This is such a contradiction – do you and I belong?

You hold the power to completely break me

But only you can piece me together

I know I can’t live without you

If only I can figure out how to tolerate you forever!