What Women (don't) Want!

It’s 2 days after International Women’s Day and the feminist in me is still hyper-active... What a time look back on the eventful happenings of 3 weeks ago... Valentine’s Day... And while it’s the same old romantic comedy for couples – dates, gifts, flowers and all that jazz – for us, unattached, footloose and fancy free individuals, it’s nothing less than a suspense thriller!

So, flashback:
My gal pals and me toasted to singledom - some revelling in their new-found status (read: freedom), others like me, enjoying the perks of a lifetime membership! My male friends on the other hand seemed to have had quite a disastrous time. I mean, they did try to put their best foot forward, but for most part the only place that landed is in their mouths! They seemed to be chasing clichés... Tripping over their own feet would have been less clumsy than their efforts to woo girls! Which got me thinking: Is it merely a coincidence that ‘male’ is an anagram of ‘lame’?? Going by the number of times they have no leg to stand on... I think not!
And this brings me back to the present... Chuckling at all the not-so-happy-ending episodes of my guy friends, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of pity at their poor efforts. So, maybe a little advice could help, not that I claim to be an expert ... But, I am a finicky girl... and that should work for now!
Besides, 2 days after International Women’s Day and 3 weeks after Valentine’s Day seems to be appropriate in a very karmic way to deal with the issue of what women don’t want!

So here goes:

1. The “Open Door” Policy:In today’s world of equal opportunity, we feminists don’t expect you to always open the door for us nor are we incapable of pulling out chairs. Just make sure that the door you pushed open doesn’t swing back at our heads and please, don’t pull out the chair from under us. Chivalry is always attractive. But if you can’t handle it, a little basic courtesy would work just fine too, thank you!

2. The “You don’t have a Back-Up??!!” Syndrome:My computer has just crashed taking with it my prized projects, much-loved music, memories in photographs and high scores in games. And I’m upset...
My phone just refuses to switch on and in an instant I’ve lost precious messages and beloved contact numbers...
In my depression I turn to you and what do you say?? “YOU DIDN’T HAVE A BACK-UP??” Aaargh!
Well, here’s a tip: When we come to you with a problem (which is usually technology related coz we have our gal pals for the emotional stuff), please don’t berate us about what we could have done. Tell us what we should do now...

3. “Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Tum Nahi Samjhogi ”
Men maybe from Mars but there are certain other things that seem far more alien to us... Usually those involve internal, never-knew-they-existed parts of cars and computers. (And, it never ceases to amaze me how each time a problem emerges, it always concerns a component we’ve never heard of before.)
You just have to accept that “Motherboard” is to girls what “Mauve” is to guys. We may claim to know it but one can never be a 100% sure!
But that doesn’t mean we are incapable of grasping the nuances of circuit boards and carburetors ... All we need is a little patient explaining. Don’t use the “tum nahi samjhogi” line. (It didn’t even work out well in the movie; she almost married the wrong guy.)

4. You’re too Predictable
At a given point in time men can think of only one of three things: Chicks, Cars (or anything else that runs on batteries/engines) and Cricket (or any other “sport”, for some that may include movie marathons and sleeping sprees). Women on the other hand have minds ticking as quickly and dangerously constant as a time bomb: “What will I wear today?”; “Does he think I look good in pink?”; “Will Rick boldly have yet another affair with the beautiful Brooke?”; “What’s India’s score?”; “I still haven’t told my best friend about my neighbour’s affair?”; “Does God really exist?”; “Oh! Great idea for the presentation!”; “World Peace”! No wonder, we may sometimes EXPLODE!
So, it would do you good before you label us as being predictable...

5. To Assume makes an ASS of U and MEIt’s surprising the amount of truth held in that corny line and especially so while keeping in mind point 4, you have to agree with the following lines from one of my favourite movies:
“When you assume something about me and it is correct, you get lucky... Just because you know what my answer will be doesn’t mean you don’t ask...”
May seem confusing the first time you read, take your time, read it again... and REFLECT! Basically, don’t assume what we might want/think/do/like/hate; we’re too complicated and unpredictable for that!
(For those of you wondering which movie that was, that would be National Treasure: Book of Secrets)

6. The Insincere Proposal
The “proposal” is THE moment every girl has fantasized about... It’s a moment where you profess everlasting love and claim that the girl in question is your reason for being, as precious as the air you breathe, that she’s the last thing on your mind when you fall asleep and the first thing on your mind when you wake up... You get the picture! So you may not be a master planner but at least don’t ruin it by doing it over the phone and, worse, ONLINE! “If you say yes, then I was being serious; if you say No, then I was just joking!” If that’s the implication your proposal is going to reflect then you’ve made the wise choice in not making it in person...

7. Other Random No-No'sAnd of course, there are other often repeated things: incessant swearing, referring to the waiter as “Shshsh”, kicking stray dogs, nose digging, pants that need constant hitching, checking out other girls while you're on a date, things like that...

8. And finally...
If all this fails and the girl still turns around and tells you “Let’s take it slow. How about being just good friends,” RESPECT her wishes. Taking it slow doesn’t mean making 6 calls in a day instead of 12 in a day... Taking it slow means making ONE call in SIX days... (approximately so!).

So, All the Best, I guess!